hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
