Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
