The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
