4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
