Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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