Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
