Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
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Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
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She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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