I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
