I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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