i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
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