If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize
