8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
