I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
