That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
