it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
