look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Randomize
