I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
