Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
