Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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