we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
