my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
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