Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dicks are not precious.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
