I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
