none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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