i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
