Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
