im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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