Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
