i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
