I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
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STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
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I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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