did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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