She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
