the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
