I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
