I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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