new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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