She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
