I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
