great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
