Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
