You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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