9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
