Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
