We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think my vagina is haunted
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
