I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
