What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
