If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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