i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
