some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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