ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The uberlube is also flammable
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
