I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
