I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
