They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
