Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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