It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
