well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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