thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
