Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i drank out of a bidet.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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