he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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