I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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