I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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