When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
