i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
i think my cat just said my name.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
