I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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