ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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