So drunk its hurt
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
