Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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