Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
