I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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