He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
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What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
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Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
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