I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
i think my cat just said my name.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
