2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
