I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
